Tomorrow's another day!

The feeling of humiliation and defeat is one that all but a few, try extremely hard to avoid. Why? Because it feels unbelievably awful, that’s why. The key to getting through it completely depends on whether you are capable of sucking it up and learning from it. It’s an extremely difficult thing to do. You either want to desperately run and hide or you fight like a caged animal to defend your honor, even though deep inside, you know you’re the one that F’d up. Looking in the mirror and admitting you were wrong is a painfully uncomfortable thing to do sometimes.

I have been having the time of my life on this trip and it has given me the opportunity to fulfill a bit of a rock & roll dream of mine. As fun as it’s been it’s also been a lot of really hard work, it dosen’t take a rocket scientist to do this job, but it does take someone who is good under pressure. When I was a kid I was diagnosed as having ADD, unfortunately this had a serious effect on my ability to focus. I would either be totally hyper focused on something or it would send me into complete anxiety and chaos if I were put under pressure. As I grew up, I started to feel like this was something in the past, something I had grown out of. But the truth has become painfully obvious since I decided to go back to school to study occupational therapy, that ADD has always been a part of me and always will be. I consider myself really lucky that I have my partner in crime “J” who deals with ADHD herself, so she understands what it’s like and knows how to steer me in the right direction when things are getting stressful, I like to think I can do the same for her. An ADHD couple dosen’t exactly sound like a match made in heaven, but it works surprisingly well. We both have different strengths and weaknesses and it balances out quite nicely. If you ever invite us to a party, there are two rules 1.) Don’t put me near anything precious or breakable because “I will” break it with the first wild gesticulation that comes out of me and 2.) Never challenge “J” to anything suggesting you’re stronger than she is, this will result in A.) An inappropriate wrestling match or B.) She will climb you like a tree. Other than that, we are completely normal. Sort of?

Anyway, back to humiliation and defeat. I have been dreading the day that a string breaks during a show and I have to do a quick change in a matter of moments. Over the last twelve days, I haven’t had to change one string. I know how to change and tune a guitar string, It’s an extremely easy thing to do, but when one does break during a show and you have exactly one minute and thirty seconds to take the old one off, put the new one on, and tune it perfectly before the next song, changing a string on a guitar becomes a mind bogglingly complicated task. It was bound to happen eventually and when it did last night, I may as well have been at home watching antiques roadshow or something, because I was absolutely useless! I couldn't find my string winder and in a moment of panic I loosened the wrong f’ing string, So now I have two strings to deal with, one broken and one completely loose and out of tune. At this point it is obvious that I am failing massively. I hear the last song end and then……..Dead silence…….the singer of the band comes back stage and says “Where is our guitar?” I show him my disaster and he just shakes his head (remember this is in the middle of the show and the audience is waiting) “Do you want me to do it?” he says, there is no time for pride here, so I sheepishly hand the guitar to him and he fixes the problem and goes back out to finish the show. I wish I could accurately describe how small and ineffectual I felt. I wanted to do nothing more than crawl in a hole and hide. I had failed and failure is not something I do well. I’m no over achiever, but I do give things a good try before I succumb to tucking my tail and walking away.

Once the show was over, I went back stage to talk to the band about it. They were extremely cool about it and said “Don’t worry about it, it’s ok, these things happen” but what they were really saying is “You F’d up! What happened? We’re really disappointed and angry, don’t let it happen again!” I would actually prefer the later statement. I want people to be straightforward with me, it lets me know exactly where I stand and what to expect. The only thing that I can say in my defense is that the band only travels with one guitar each, no spares at all. Most bands travel with at least one spare, to avoid this exact situation. I still should have been more prepared than I was. I am notoriously good at beating myself up, but I still have half a tour left, so quit whining Senor “G” and get on with it!!

I woke up this morning to a snowy Paris, None of it was sticking but it was a really welcome sight nonetheless. Snow seems to be such a rarity these days. Even the band said that Denmark rarely gets snow anymore. What a shame, I love a good winter snow, it tames big cities like NYC and Paris. What a sad thought, that snow might be a thing of the past in so many places.

I’m not so sure what my impressions of Paris were this time around. I got the chance to walk around and get lost. If I don’t have to be anywhere, I like getting lost and figuring out my way around unfamiliar places. I know a lot of people that get filled with serious fear and anxiety at the thought of being lost, it’s hard for me to understand, what’s going to happen? It’s not the arctic tundra for god sake, It’s a big city, just ask some one where you are. Getting lost is the only reason I have any idea where I’m ever going in London. I have an amazing sense of direction, if you take me somewhere once I can almost always find it again without any help. It’s an odd skill coming from someone who cant remember the last thing he just said ten seconds ago. So…Where was I? Oh right, no…Wait? No…yeah, snow. Oh never mind!

I set out at 7am this morning to drive back to London from Paris and then on to Manchester for the start of the UK leg of the tour. Everyone else stayed behind in Paris for a day off, but I was actually really happy to have a break from a van full of burping and farting band mates and crew for a while, plus I get 10 beautiful hours of sitting at home and sleeping in my own bed! It’s easy to take your home for granted, until you are away from it for a while, then even that stupid ugly chair that makes your ass hurt becomes a throne you long for, simply because it’s yours.

My fingers are crossed for good times on the rest of the tour. Lessons have been learned and I’m ready to rock! Well at least rock like a 40 year old, couple of beers, cup of tea and bed! Rock & roll!!!!